On friday we went out to dinner and talk about our recent (but permanent) issue: out age difference. Depp in out conversation I said that if she was younger, I would tell my parents about our relationship. She took it really bad because it made her felt less than and question what are we doing with our relationship now.
We both shut down when things happen. We barely look at each other, don’t kiss and sleep on completely opposite sides of the bed.
On saturday we didn’t talk during the day and at night we argued. The more we argue, the more I go angry. To the point that I found it hard to talk and express myself. We got to a point that I din’t want to talk to her anymore, so I got up and closed myself in the bathroom. I don’t know for how long but I was just crying and crying and crying. For everything: the mixed emotions, her reaction, the pressure I felt of having to tell my family as well as pain for hurting her.
She called me twice to come out but never came in. This got me even more angry because I know she did everything for Tess. She went to her job, she went after her on Henriettas… and all thigs thigns. It makes me wonder if maybe I’m not as important, or she doesn’t take me seriously. what is it to get up and walk 4 steps to the bathroom??
I end up coming out and she was asleep. I got my things hestitating if I should leave or no. When I was opening the door to leave she called me and said where am I going. I felt so week that I just went to the bed, sat next to her and cried while she huged me.
I send my first invoice today!! Its official, I’ve started Freelancing!
One of my roomates (a guy) speaks to his mom every day.
Sometimes, people look at us more than usual, and is because of our age difference. Is too obvious, or maybe I’m just obsessed with it.
A new bar/restaurant opened for “femme” lesbians. Its is true, that here in new york there really isn’t much options. There is Henrietta Hudson, a bar for older lesbians of all kind but mostly butch and manly looking, out of trend and not good looking. On fridays there is there is Stonewall, a tipicaly gay men bar but just on fridays lesbians of all kind (mostly young) and great music. Cubbyhole is a place to hang out, always packed and very welcoming.
This new bar, the dalloway, is for femme trendy woman. Lesbians like me, that don’t have short hair or look like a boy. Femenine looking, with curves, interest in fashion and trendy.
K and I planned on going last night and once there, I felt shy and didn’t want to go in. I did wan’t people seeing us together …
is this bad?
Last night we stayed up until 2 a.m. kissing, making out, eating nutella, laughing, making love, having sex … I fall in love with her all over again.
Today we are both exhausted but with that exhaustion in my face (or the lust from the day before) a guy wink at me in the subway; another guy stoped and said:
“you look beautiful tonight. Do you have a boyfriend?”
- “No, a girlfriend”
“is there anyway I can be involved in that??”
- “I don’t think so”
And on the way home, two more guys smiled at me.
This is not normal.
Oprah asked Beyonce how is it like to be an independent woman and still come back home every night to a man like JC. She answered that they where friends first and then they dated. The core is not that they fall in love with each other but that they LIKE each other.
At first I didn’t understand. You must like the person. How can you be, date or marry someone you don’t like?
After talking with K, I realized that many people date other people, fall irremediably in love and when they get to know each other they realize that they don’t like each other.
She said to me: ” we fall in LIKE with each other”.
So fucking true… More than being in love, the honey moon period or the lovy -dobey times, or even the sex… The most important thing is that I LIKE HER!
All I can think of, is sex. is it normal to be thinking about sex all the time?